3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
even my farts smell like vagina
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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