Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
