Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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