I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone threw a dead crab at me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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