i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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