Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
