And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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