Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
