i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
