well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
