I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
