her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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