fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
