Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
