My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
