Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
