What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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