It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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