I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
