Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
