How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize