Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
