I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
