He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Rumble strips road head = magical
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
