So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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