she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
