Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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