Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
