No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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