I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
