I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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