how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.