I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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