So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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