So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....