ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
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Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.