My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.