the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.