Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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