walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
