Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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