JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
