I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
