I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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