Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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