When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
