im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
