:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
