but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
