So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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