Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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