who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
