At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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