please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
