I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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