You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They took my balls.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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