If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
