GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
