She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did I show you my penis last night?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
