I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
