Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
