Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have already put on my inside pants.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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