whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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