Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
