Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
