Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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