i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
