I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
