Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
