My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
