He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
