I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
