I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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