she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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