I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
