This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize