and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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